Appetence
by Hayley-Fiona
Summary: Struggling with depression, Dan shuts himself away from his family and friends. He's finally eighteen, but this wasn't at all what he expected to end up like. However, he runs across a YouTuber: AmazingPhil. They start talking over Skype, and a friendship sparks immediately. But Dan can't shake the feeling of emptiness, so he asks to meet Phil. TW: depression, self-harm, and sex.


_You're worthless. All of your friends hate you. You broke your girlfriend's heart. Hell, does anyone even care about you? No. No one living on this universe cares about you._ Dan sighed, knees pulled close to his chest, and he rested his head in his hands. His arms ached from the scars that were accidentally inflicted upon him. His mind raced, constantly engrossed in the negativity of his life. Thoughts that manifested into a greater, powerful monster weighed him down. But simultaneously, he felt completely empty underneath all of this weight.

Rubbing at his eyes, Dan lifted his head up, resting his chin in his palms as he stared straight ahead, fighting against the urge to cry. _Daniel, there is no need to cry. You're eighteen now. What would your girlfriend think if she knew you cried in your room every night?_ Dan shook his head, running his fingers through his hair, an awful feeling swelling up in his chest. His mother lacked any humane morale, deliberately belittling his actions, words, and feelings. She snapped at him for never completing his homework despite his mad intelligence. _Why do you cut yourself? I did not raise a troubled son! It would be a tad bit beneficial for my reputation if you focused on school. You're not mentally ill, Daniel!_ Dan covered his mouth, muffling the sound of his sudden cry. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he shut his eyes tightly, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. Wincing, he stood up, walking over to his desk decorated in piles of unread books, shakily picking up his laptop.

"Daniel?" a male voice asked gently, knocking on the door of Dan's room. Not expecting any visitors, the sudden knock and voice startled Dan, causing him to fumble across the room, sliding his laptop onto his bed. He rubbed his eyes again, wishing he could erase any signs that he had cried, but his eyes were red and dark circles were found underneath. And his head throbbed from crying. Each movement he made was painful.

"One moment," Dan muttered quickly, pulling his sleeves down to his palms, rushing over to the door. Opening the door, he immediately took a step back, averting his gaze to the frame of his door. "Um, hello," he said, uneasiness present in his voice. He felt weak, grabbing a hold of the door frame, glancing back at his father. "What's up, dad?"

Concern was seen in his father's eyes, and a frown was found on his lips. "I'm checking in on you," he admitted, looking at his son. "Would you like to come out to dinner with some of my colleagues? And of course, I would be there."

"No!" Dan answered quickly, swallowing as he realized he might of snapped at his father. "Thank you for inviting me, but I would rather stay in," he said, biting his lip as he lowered his head.

"Are you positive, Daniel? They always enjoy your company," his father said. His frown was much more prominent.

"I'm positive," Dan stated, nodding his head, backing up into his room. "I would love to go, but I'm tired," he added, peeking from behind his door, quickly closing it afterwards. He leaned against his door for a moment, sighing and sliding to the ground as he heard his father leave.

Relieved of successfully avoiding leaving his room and venturing out into public, Dan stood up and walked over to his bed, sitting down to open and press the power button on his laptop. As he pulled up his browser and typed in Twitter in the address bar, he realized how numb his fingertips felt. In hope to ignore the negative thoughts in his head, he had played his keyboard for a long while. But even his favorite hobby couldn't stop him from thinking about himself in horrible, unhealthy ways. Shakily logging into his Twitter account, he scrolled through the posts made by the few people he followed. He stopped when he came across a post from Phil, and he was absolutely amazing.

20 September 2009. 19:03 PM. Phil Lester AmazingPhil. _I started counting how many times I have listened to Muse's new album! But... now I can't even count anymore. *twitch* I think I'm obsessed._

A soft smile escaped from Dan's lips, but he was still aching all over. Eventually, he was afraid he would go completely numb. Distance was a front Dan built when he felt upset. He reacted cold and distant towards those he knew because he never wanted them to know how much he hurt. He felt as if was a bother. A burden. A disgrace to his family.

 _Stop being such a bother! If you loved me, you wouldn't of questioned how you felt towards me! You've burdened me, Dan. I have all of this guilt on my shoulders, and I bet you don't have any. We were together for three years. Three years! And then, you break if off because you decide you might not even like girls as much as you thought. That's just gross, Dan. Or, you break it off because you're upset! Hey, sometimes you just have to deal with the crap in this world. Not everyone will listen to your story. You shouldn't of dated me in the first place if you felt unsure of your own feelings._

Dan closed his eyes, his smile fading as his hands rested on his laptop's keyboard. He swallowed hard, his heart quickening as he felt as if he relived his break up with his ex-girlfriend. He was guilt-ridden ever since then, and to add to it, his friends added some fuel to his insecurity. First, he came out to this friends, simply stating he's bisexual. Most of them dismissed it, shrugging it off with a roll of the eyes. But a few of them threatened him due to his honesty. And then, he decided to break off his relationship with his girlfriend, due to the fact it merely wasn't working out. He told her it was nothing personal but failed miserably.

Opening his eyes, Dan shook his head, quickly pressing the button to favorite Phil's post on Twitter. Dan had found Phil on YouTube, immediately enthralled by him by watching a few videos. He loved the personality of Phil especially. He was kind, happy, understanding, and quirky. When Phil had replied to his YouTube and Twitter comments, Dan was taken aback often, unable to comprehend how someone like Phil would want to talk to him.

 _Oh, stop it._ Dan thought, a blush spreading across his cheeks as he smiled. _He's never going to reply back to you. Stop right there and back up. What are you, obsessed?_ Dan disregarded his thoughts, clicking submit to comment on a video of Phil's. He believed that it was worth a chance. And from then on, he continued to talk to Phil. All these small comments lead to a new, exciting friendship that brought happiness to Dan's life despite all of the negativity.

After Dan had pressed the button to favorite Phil's post, he typed Skype into the address. He logged in, fingers feeling heavy against the small squares of letters on his keyboard. He looked at his laptop screen, feeling a flutter in his chest when he saw that Phil was online. He bit his lip, typing to Phil in their chat, wondering if he had some free time to Skype with him.

 _19:34 PM. hey, phil. are you free as of the moment?_

 _19:34 PM. Hi, Dan! ^_^ Yeah, I'm free. Want me to call?_

 _19:35 PM. i'd love that._

Waiting for Phil to call him, Dan fumbled to smooth down his gray jumper, double checking to make sure his sleeves covered every inch of his arms. He looked into his laptop, catching his reflection to fix his fringe with his hands, placing his hands in his lap after he was done. He pursed his lips, clearing his throat as he watched his laptop screen. Suddenly, a soft noise came from his laptop, notifying him that Phil was requesting to video chat with him. He clicked the accept button, feeling another flutter in his chest as they connected.

"Dan!" Phil exclaimed, smiling brightly. He was sitting on his bed, duvet covering half of his body, but that couldn't be seen. He waved at Dan, still smiling so brightly at his friend.

"Phil!" Dan said in return, not as enthusiastic as Phil sounded. But he smiled genuinely at his friend, waving a jumper paw at him. "How is my favorite on this _lovely_ night?" he asked, a hint of sarcasm found in his voice.

"I'm great," Phil replied, looking at Dan, smiling wider, if possible, when he saw Dan's jumper paw. Dan's constant jumper paw reminded him of a cat, but he couldn't erase the thought that it was because he was hiding something from him. "And what about you?"

"That's great to hear..." Dan told him, smiling softly once again. He looked Phil over, admiring his choice of clothes: a red plaid shirt. Dan thought Phil looked absolutely incredible in reds. "And I'm alright," he said, glancing to the side for a moment, pausing. "But honestly, it's much better now that I'm talking to you..." he admitted, looking back to Phil.

Continuing to smile, Phil listened to Dan. "As I always say, you can talk to me about anything," Phil admitted, his smile softening. He noticed when Dan wasn't himself. It's his second nature. "I'm here for you, Dan. I want to make you as happy as much that life allows."

For a moment, Dan just continued to smile a bit, looking at Phil. After a moment, he lowered his head, sighing as he fumbled with his sleeves nervously. "My mum hasn't been supportive of me, Phil," Dan admitted, looking to the side, unable to look Phil directly right now. "I've also... well, um, I don't know how to say this..." he said, his voice trailing off.

"Oh, Dan, I'm so sorry," Phil empathized, watching Dan through the screen, frowning as he noticed his friend looking away. "I know your mom doesn't react the way she should towards you," he said, shaking his head. He sighed, tapping at his keyboard silently. "But to put it rationally, your feelings are much more important than your mum's reputation. Or at least, she should accept how you're feeling and offer some sympathy!"

Dan nodded a bit, sighing as he shook his head. "Yeah," he mumbled, glancing over at Phil. He fell silent, just staring at Phil as he felt the same, awful feeling rise in his chest.

"Oh, god!" Phil said, his eyebrows creasing. "I'm sorry! What were you going to tell me?" he asked, looking at Dan. Whenever he started talking to Dan, he got lost in thought, often forgetting a small, but important detail.

"I, erm..." Dan's voice trailed off as he glanced down at the sleeves of his jumper. He closed his eyes for a moment, holding his breath as he contemplated whether or not to tell Phil. Phil was absolutely such a close, good friend, but he didn't want to burden Phil with his petty emotions. "Never mind, Phil," he said, looking back at him. He smiled weakly.

"Dan? Are you positive?" Phil questioned, frowning as he saw how weak his friend's smile was. He saw the dark circles under his eyes. The definition of his clavicle peeking out from his jumper. His eyes, once filled with warmth, looked empty. "I'd like to hear."

As the weak smile continued to stay put on Dan's face, he nodded his head firmly. "Positive..." Dan affirmed yet his voice hinted at his insecurity. In response to Phil's frown, he quickly added, "Not to say I don't fancy talking to you, Phil. I do, I really do love our four hour talks... but, I think I should keep this to myself for now. Do you understand?"

Phil nodded slowly, looking at Dan. He kept quiet for a moment before talking. "I understand," Phil said, smiling a tad at Dan. "I'd rather not make you uncomfortable."

Dan's lips quirked up, but he never manged to smile completely then. "Hey, Phil," Dan suddenly said after a moment of silence. "I have to go," he lied, but he just couldn't comprehend anything at the moment. He needed more time alone.

"Oh-" Phil managed to say before Dan cut him off.

"I'm so sorry..." Dan said to him. "We can Skype again. Later this week."

"Okay," Phil said, voice soft. He smiled at Dan, forming a heart with his hands, holding it in front of him before they disconnected. "Goodbye, Dan."

"Bye, Phil," Dan replied, biting his lip as he hoped to hide the smile spreading across his lips. He was frozen for a moment, but he quickly returned the gesture, shakily forming a heart with his hands and holding it out towards Phil. And after that, there was silence.

A week later, Dan was in his bathroom, waiting for his ghd flat iron to heat up. He tapped his fingers against his sink's counter top impatiently, sighing as a small noise came from the ghd flat iron, notifying him it was completely warm. He ran a hand through his curly locks, rolling his eyes at the sight of his hair. If there was something small he hated about himself, it was how naturally curly his hair was. He straightened his hair, but as he was turning off his ghd flat iron, he burnt the tip of one of his fingers. He unplugged it quickly, wincing as he stuck the tip of his finger in his mouth, walking out of his bathroom.

As he walked out of his bathroom, he walked to his room, opening the door to become startled. He jolted, hitting his hip against the door frame. "Mum? God, you startled me," he said, breathless.

"What is this?" his mother asked, turning around, holding out her hand. His carry on bag was opened, and she had found his razors. She frowned at the sight of him, noticing he was wearing a tank top, allowing his scars to be visible.

Dan's mouth dropped, and he stood still for a moment. But he walked forward, reaching out to grab the razors from her hand. "Those belong to me," Dan stated, looking at her in the eyes.

Shaking her head, Dan's mother pulled her hand away from Dan's reach just in time. She sighed, looking at him. "I thought you said you were going to be clean, Daniel. You told me that after dinner last week."

Swallowing, nervousness filled up in Dan's chest. He looked at her, eyes darting from her eyes to her hand. "I said I was going to _try_ to be clean, mum..." Dan admitted. "I never said I was _going_ to be. It's impossible to say something and stick to it honestly."

Dan's mother took inhaled sharply, walking past her son. She stopped at his doorway, turning around to look at him. "I'm not dealing with this _shit_ your going through anymore! No matter what I do for you, you dwell on your emotions constantly! But you repress them, Daniel. It's not healthy! And then, you just _have_ to feel pain to feel _better."_

Dan stared at his mother. By now, he was resistant towards her bitterness. "I never said for you to deal with this _shit,"_ Dan said, stepping forward. He reached forward, grabbing his mother's wrist, opening her closed palm to take back his razors. "Don't hold them like that, mum. You'll hurt yourself."

Scoffing, his mother stared at him for a long moment before leaving, slamming the door behind her. Knowing her, she was probably going to call one of her friends to rant about Dan's mental state. She was ruining her reputation herself by ratting out her own son.

Walking back to the bathroom, razors gripped in his palm, Dan stood over the toilet. He opened his palm, glancing at his razors before he threw them in the toilet. He closed his eyes tightly, sighing as he flushed them down the toilet. His arms ached heavily from scars from yesterday, but he was taking a step today to try and stay clean for once. With Phil still expressing kindness and curiosity towards him, he had a reason to survive.

Closing his bedroom door quietly, he walked over to his closet, grabbing a cardigan to wear. Afterwards, he grabbed his laptop, logging directly onto Skype. He sighed softly, looking at all of the messages Phil had left him during this past week.

 _5 days ago. 00:15 AM. Hope you're having a lovely night, Dan!_

 _5 days ago. 15:17 PM. My mom found a stray kitten today! We're taking care of it. But I can't stay around it more than five minutes without sneezing to death. ._

 _3 days ago. 03:19 AM. It's late. But I miss you._

 _1 day ago. 02:53 AM. I can't sleep. I'm thinking about you. I hope you're okay. 3_

Dan covered his mouth with his hand, reading over and over again the last message Phil had sent him. He felt guilty for completely ignoring Phil the past couple of days, but he didn't want to complicate Phil's bliss. He felt as if he didn't want to feel anything anymore. But he felt so deeply, and at times, it was terrifying because he didn't know how to talk about how he was feeling. He knows that eventually he will have to talk to someone: Phil.

Staring at his keyboard, Dan replied to Phil, completely aware he wasn't online, so it might be a while until Phil appeared online.

 _16:25 PM. hey, phil. :) i'm alright._

Lie.

 _16:25 PM. whenever you get online, i'm free to talk._

As Dan slid off of his bed to fetch something from the kitchen, his eyes caught a sudden reply from Phil. It was as if Phil had been waiting for Dan to get online to be online.

 _16:27 PM. Dan! We need to Skype ASAP!_

Dan stopped in his track, settling back down on his bed, clicking the call button on Skype to start a video chat with Phil. He never put down an offer of talking to Phil. That would be unnatural."Hello, you," Dan told Phil, smiling softly when he saw him on his screen.

Dan received a cheerful grin from Phil, sending his heart into a flutter. "Hi to you!" Phil said, waving to Dan. He felt happy that Dan was smiling today. That smile sent his stomach into a frenzy. "Have you been alright this past week?" he asked.

Dan's smile widens at the sight of Phil smiling. "I could of been better, but I'm alright," Dan admitted, placing his chin on one of his palms. But he quickly decides against it, not desiring Phil to accidentally spot a scar on his arm. "What about you, Phil?" he asked, noticing how Phil continued to smile as he listened to him talk.

"I've been great! Besides the fact I've missed you," Phil said, covering his wide smile with his hand. He felt happiness swell in his chest, as if he would explode any moment. "The kitten my mum found has been sent to a humane society," he said.

"Awe, Phil..." Dan said, voice soft as he looked at him. He felt his cheeks heat up from the warmth of his blush. He titled his head to the side for a moment, hoping to hide his flushed face from Phil as it passed. "I've missed you, too."

"Really?" Phil asked, grinning wide as he giggled softly. He couldn't believe Dan had missed him. Of course, they're great friends, but they haven't known each other for even a year.

"Really!" Dan affirmed, looking back at Phil, biting his lip as he studied Phil. How could someone ever be _that_ adorable? "Speaking of mums," Dan added, breaking the silence. "My mum got really flustered at me earlier," he said, shaking his head as he laughed. "By now, I'm used to it..."

"Dan! You s _houldn't_ be used to it," Phil stated, crossing his arms, sighing softly. "Your mum is not being who she is supposed to be. Tell me, please. What happened?"

Dan fell silent for a moment, contemplating how to tell Phil about the subject. After a moment, he spoke up, clearing his throat. "My mum found my razors, Phil. I had them in a bag, and she decided it was alright to go through my personal belongings. She went _insane_ because a week ago, after dinner, I had told her I was trying to be clean. Obviously, that didn't go through as planned..."

Phil's heart dropped at the thought of Dan was _actually_ self-harming. His friend was _actually_ in physical pain along with mental pain. This saddened Phil, causing him to realize he needed to fix his friend as much as he could. He would defy their destinies to meet Dan. "Oh, Dan... I understand that you harm yourself because of how you feel, but I wish there was some way I could help all of this. I hate knowing you're feeling so upset..."

Dan looked at Phil, longing to actually be sharing a gaze with his friend in person. Dan could touch Phil if they were to be in the same place. He could place his fingertips against Phil's gently, scared at first of the touch, but he was sure it would become much more welcoming and comforting as time went on. He felt as if they could do _anything_ together. "I'm alright as of the moment, Phil," Dan admitted, smiling faintly at him. "I threw my razors in the toilet and flushed them..." he added, sighing softly as he looked at Phil. "Want to know a way you could help me?"

Phil looked at Dan as he listened to him speak. He felt a tad better when Dan mentioned he flushed his razors down the toilet. Hopefully, Dan didn't have anymore nor would he go and buy some new ones. "How can I help you, Dan?" Phil asked quickly, breath short and soft.

"Let us meet."

The next couple of weeks were exciting and impatient. October sneaked in the year, delivering cold autumn winds, clear skies during breaks of rain, and signs of an early snow. Dan had become happier because of Phil's happiness showered on him through their often and long Skype calls. The calls became more random, both of them talking away about their past and current life. Thoughts of the future came up often, and Phil always managed to make Dan smile more often than at first. Warmth was found in Dan's eyes. Just a hint of it.

Over the course of Skyping to Phil, Dan had managed to work out meeting Phil. _Meeting Phil._ At first, Dan was surprised and constantly smiled at the thought. His parents raised eyebrows at his sudden display of happiness. While he felt happier due to being connected to Phil, he still had negative thoughts of insecurity, self-harm, and self-loathing. But his best friend, Phil, was making it much lighter for him. And they would be talking to each other, face to face, in _three days._

October 16th was surprisingly sunny, and the air was cool. Dan had been persuaded into posting his first ever proper YouTube video. After posting it, he felt incredibly nervous. He never had the confidence or motivation until now, but his confidence still had room to expand. He found a duffle bag, packing his clothes and so on for the week long visit with Phil. His father seemed happy for him actually meeting Phil, since he seemed to take a liking to him. His mother was unsure of Dan meeting Phil, afraid he was some predator. _But obviously, you're wrong,_ Dan thought, knowing deep down Phil was a good guy.

Throughout the course of the next three days, Dan had become weighed down by nervousness. He was unsure if he would actually go through with meeting Phil. He knew he was madly curious about Phil, wanting to learn everything about him. But he was afraid Phil's view on him would change when they met in real life. The scars would be visible for Phil. His mumbling would be present. His lanky figure would be present. Every flaw about Dan would be noticeable to Phil. And would Phil accept those flaws, or would he turn away from him?

The night before the 19th of October, Dan and Phil Skyped together, talking endlessly about meeting each other. They talked about how they felt. Phil was noticeably excited for this occasion, grinning brightly. He talked fast, looking at Dan nonstop. And Dan was, too, excited about this occassion. He had a sheepish smile, flushed cheeks, and stumbled across his words. After saying goodnight to each other, they formed hearts with their hands, holding them towards each other. Dan fell asleep quickly, a warm feeling in his chest. Phil fell asleep slowly, squealing into his pillow as he could not wait to meet his best friend.

Sunlight pierced through Dan's window bright and early in the morning of the 19th of October. He rolled over, rubbing his eyes as he slid out of bed. He hopped in the shower, got dressed, ate breakfast, and straightened his hair once it was dry enough. Afterwards, he played his keyboard to spare time until it was time to head for the underground. He kissed him mother on the cheek as he left, and his father drove him to the underground.

Everything became a blur to Dan. All the noise and commotion of the underground. He vaguely remembers telling his father goodbye and entering the underground. He embarked his train, sitting down in a corner, away from most of the people on the underground. As he rode to Manchester, he was quiet, staring at the floor of the train most of the time. He wrapped his arms around himself, snuggled up in a black jumper. He must of fell asleep during some time of the traveling because in the blink of an eye he was in Manchester.

Dan disembarked his train, taking in a deep breath as he looked around him. His eyes scanned the horizon quickly. He was unable to take in everything at once. It was so loud and bustling with energy he wasn't used to hearing, seeing, and feeling all at once. He felt overwhelmed, walking around slowly as he was searching for any sign of Phil. As he was walking around, looking as if he was a lost puppy, it clicked. He remembered where Phil had told him last night to meet him. Their one and only designated area.

His heart seemed to stop. He froze, swallowing as he was stopped in his tracks as he saw Phil. He rose a hand in the air, waving it gently as he smiled. "Phil..." Dan mumbled, eyes locked on his best friend. He knew that wasn't loud enough in all of this commotion. "Phil!" he exclaimed, trying to take a step forward, but he couldn't. All he saw was Phil.

Phil's eyes widened, and he dashed forward towards Dan, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "Oh my god, Dan!" Phil said happily, resting his head against Dan's shoulder.

Time froze for Dan. He didn't hear anything except Phil's words. He didn't see anything else in this rush of people besides Phil. Dan was shocked by the hug, biting his lip as he heard his duffle bag hitting the ground. He wrapped his arms tightly around Phil, squeezing him gently, burying his face in the crook of his neck. "It's you," Dan mumbled, smiling wider. "It's really you. I can't believe this."

"I'm so happy!" Phil squealed, keeping his arms wrapped around Dan for another moment. He felt incredibly happy, as if he had met his personal heaven. "You're so warm," he added, whispering to Dan.

Dan pulled away to look at Phil, arms wrapped around his waist for a moment before he realized. He blushed, letting go of him completely to pick up his duffle bag. "I suppose it's a good thing to be warm?" Dan asked, giggling softly. "Also, I'm as happy as you are," he admitted, his voice soft. He looked up at Phil, dimple prominent in his smile.

Phil smiled back happily at Dan, reaching to grab Dan's duffle bag. "I would like to carry this for you," Phil stated, throwing it over his shoulder. He giggled, grabbing a hold of Dan's wrist gently. "Come on! I'm taking you somewhere special."

As the sun was setting, the sky was colored in pinks, purples, and dark indigo was setting in. Phil ran along the pavement of Piccadilly Gardens, laughing. Dan's giggling soon turned into a high-pitched squeal as he ran after Phil, grabbing him by the arm when he caught up to him. "Oh my god, Phil! You cannot just _run away_ from me after something like that! It was _hilarious._ The barista thought we were dating!"

Phil turned around to look at Dan, tears in his eyes as he was laughing and smiling so hard. He leaned forward as he laughed, resting his head against Dan's shoulder for a moment. "What if I'm embarrassed? Running away is the key to surviving embarrassment!"

Dan howled with laughter, gently nudging Phil after a moment. "You don't have to run away from me, Phil!"

Phil shook his head as he breathed, trying to catch his breath after laughing until he thought he was going to fall over dead. "I know, I know," Phil breathed. "But I'm having so much fun! Come on, Dan!"

Dan and Phil raced down the pavement of the Piccadilly Gardens, beating the sun from completely setting. They squeezed in line to ride the Manchester Eye, Dan right behind Phil in line, a sly smile caught on his lips. After a few minutes, Phil paid for their ride, and the two doors opened for them. Phil stepped off of the platform first, and Dan followed behind excitedly. The nervousness hadn't set in yet for the either of them.

Silently, the compartment crawled up into the indigo sky. At first, Dan had sat down across from Phil. They sat in silence for a moment, neither of them talking to each other. But they looked off into the distance, noticing the lights of Manchester and the quiet hum of the city below them. Everything was tranquil and perfect to the both of them. Whether or not Dan would admit it, he felt a bit thrilled because he was scared. He felt how light the floor of the compartment felt beneath his feet, as if there was nothing but air beneath him. He felt breathless at the sight of the city, which was a blur of illuminated dots to him.

Enveloped by the dark sky and faint shine of the stars above them, Dan's eyes fell upon Phil's eyes. "Isn't it beautiful?" Dan asked, his voice a murmur.

"It's absolutely beautiful," Phil admitted, his lips curling into a soft smile.

"I feel at peace up here. The night seems so endless, as if no one will ever see everything around them. With you, I feel as if I'm in a dream. This is perfect, Phil."

There was a soft click as the wheel resumed motion, crawling towards the highest point of the ride. In return, Dan smiled at Phil, placing his chin in his hands as he looked at him, sighing contently.

"I'm a tad nervous," Phil breathed, still smiling as he wrapped his arms around himself. He was terrified of heights, but the thought of them enthralled him.

"It's okay," Dan replied, eyes locked on Phil. He stood up slowly, feeling the slight rock of the compartment beneath his feet. He exhaled softly, taking a step towards Phil. "I'm here."

"What are you doing?" Phil asked, eyes widening as he felt the compartment shake. He wrapped his arms around himself tighter, eyes locked on Dan.

Gingerly, Dan took the last step, sitting down next to Phil. His eyes trailed to the other side of the compartment, noticing a sligtht tilt, but he was sure it would be alright. "I'm sitting down next to you," Dan said, shoulder to shoulder beside Phil. "I want to make sure you're okay when we reach the top."

Phil's heart skipped a beat, and he rested his arms by his side, looking over at Dan. "Thank you," Phil said, smiling softly as he noticed the warmth in Dan's eyes.

Dan bit his lip at the notice of their close proximity, glancing down. He moved his arm, grabbing a hold of Phil's hand gently. He smiled, glancing up at Phil. "You're welcome."

Phil's heart fluttered at the touch, but he intertwined their fingers, looking at Dan. He felt warmth spread through his cheeks as he began to blush. "We're almost to the top."

As the compartment crawled towards the top, Dan spoke to Phil, "Look down. Trust me, it's amazing."

The city looked so small and far away as they reached the top. If they were to fall, Phil was sure he would be completely breathless. The sky made the world look so dark and mysterious. New secrets of people, places, and things to be discovered. After Phil had admired the city, he looked back at Dan. Admiration of Phil was all Dan wanted.

Dan nudged Phil gently when the wheel clicked to another stop. Dan giggled softly, feeling lost as he gazed in Phil's eyes. He squeezed Phil's hand gently, leaning a bit closer to him. Curiosity was swelling up in Dan's chest, and he wanted a taste of stars.

Phil leaned in, pressing their lips together compassionately. The wheel clicked to resume motion, falling down slowly instead of crawling upwards. Phil allowed his eyes to flutter shut, feeling electricity flow through his whole body.

Dan's eyes fell shut quickly, and he pressed deeper into the kiss. He felt weightless, as if this was too extraordinary to be real. The taste of Phil's lips were sweet and soft against his own. After this one kiss, he knew Phil was going to drive him mad.

The kiss was broken softly, and Phil then rested his head against Dan's shoulder as the compartment fell to the start once again. They disembarked the wheel, Dan leading Phil by the hand out into the chilly October air. Side by side, they walked down the pavement to call a cab back to Phil's flat. Their fingers were softly intertwined, and the silence was comforting.

As Dan and Phil arrived at Phil's flat, the warmth and comfort of Phil's room allowed Dan to feel content. Dan had his arms wrapped around Phil's neck, and Phil's arms were wrapped around Dan's waist. The door of Phil's bedroom was shut, and Phil asked, "May I?"

Hesitant, Dan nodded, looking down at the thought of Phil actually seeing his scars. "Yes..." Dan affirmed, swallowing. He was nervous Phil would think different of him once he actually saw how new the scars were.

Phil lifted Dan's chin up gently, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He pulled off Dan's jumper gently, making sure he didn't break a scab of Dan's scars. "Dan," Phil said. "I would never think any different of you. No matter what. All I want is to help you. To make you happy."

Dan smiled a bit, reaching his hands forward to unbutton Phil's blue plaid. Their shirts fell to the floor, and Phil pressed Dan against his bed. Soft, gentle kisses were trailed along Dan's jaw, and then, down his neck and against his collarbone. Cheeks were flushed. Hands danced across the dips of two bodies. Passionate kisses were shared. Skin to skin contact came soon, and moans of two names were heard. Bliss was found immediately. And it felt so good.

Crawling under bedsheets, Dan wrapped his arms around Phil, pressing against him, loving the warmth they shared. "I know I'm in love with you, Phil. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Phil smiled softly at Dan, pressing a kiss against his cheek. "I love you so much, Dan. Ever since I first saw you, I knew we would be together. And not just like this."

Dan felt himself smile, looking Phil in the eyes. "You complete me. I wouldn't want anyone else besides you. If I'm being honest, I probably wouldn't of been here today if it weren't for you..."

Phil looked at Dan, moving one of Dan's arm back towards him. He held onto his hand gently, kissing the top of Dan's hand. "I'm always going to be here for you. I'm not letting go of you. I wish that I will know you for many more years to come, Dan..."

Dan felt himself tear up, and he smiled wider as Phil actually closed his eyes as he wished out loud. "I'm insanely happy to have you as a best friend or lover," Dan confessed. He felt amazing, content, and excited. He had never been this close so fast to someone.

Opening his eyes after wishing, Phil pressed a gentle kiss against Dan's lips. He intertwined their fingers of the hand he was holding. "Love is our resistance..."

Dan quirked an eyebrow, a questioing gaze directed at Phil. "They keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down... and hold me, our lips must always be sealed."

Phil ran his fingers through Dan's curling hair, closing his eyes. He admired Dan's voice. Eyes. Smile. Everything. "Goodnight, Dan," Phil said.

Dan mumbled a soft goodnight to Phil, snuggling up close to him as they both drifted off to sleep. Both of them fell asleep quickly, warm despite the coldness outside. A sudden storm of snow came, wind whipping againt Phil's flat, but they weren't disturbed. After their first meeting, kiss, and silly time together in bed, they formed a tight bond. It was unbreakable, helping the scars on Dan's arms heal and fade away within a couple of years. Now, both of them were hopelessly in love, no boundary of friendship or love between them.


End file.
